Not So Perfect Love Story...and It Doesn't Have to Be!!

I stood in the doorway looking at him, angry, naked, throwing pillows and bedding against the wall, and yelling, "what do you want from me asshole?! I went through all this shit and you dare get self righteous with me? Mother Fucker!!"

I walked in the room, blurry eyed from the tears welling up in my eyes, slowly stepping forward with trembling legs, and sat on the side of the bed. He said, now on his knees, on the floor and punching the wall, "my life was supposed to get better, and it has just gotten worse. When is it supposed to get better?!"

He turned and looked at me, and I said, "I don't know! All I know is that I love you, and I can't imagine my life without you. I don't want to lose you!" He looked at me with tears in his eyes, and said "I love you so much, I love you so much...I only know that I love you. That’s all I know!"

We sat there crying and embracing, rocking back and forth. I held him, and felt him pressing against my body, as I closed my eyes and my mind raced back to when we first met, and I played it all back in my mind.

...how did we get here?

You know that feeling when you first meet someone, get swept off your feet and fall madly in love? Neither did I; and I never thought I would experience that kind of love. I mean, we’ve all seen it in a movie, or read it in a book, but how many of us can say we have truly experienced it? The kind of stupid, ridiculous love that Stephanie Meyer writes about, that exists between exotic pale sparkly vampires, and brooding dumbass teenagers is supposed to be the stuff of fiction. The kind of love that makes it seem like nothing else matters in the world. After all, love is a chemical reaction and is not supposed to defy logic and make grown men act like complete buffoons.  

When I first met him, I was volunteering in a leather contest, and he was one of many contestants vying for a title. In all honesty, neither of us noticed each other, and I didn’t even interact with him until the second day. We talked when he asked me if I had a blue sharpie to cover a scuff on his blue leather jock. I spent a good amount of time convincing him that no one would even notice it on stage. However, in what I know is his true style now, I noticed him talking to the bootblack a few minutes later and trying to buff out the scuff anyway. He was attractive, but disconnected, flirtatious, yet guarded. There was an invisible fortress surrounding him, and I was too busy and distracted to try to scale it, or explore why it was there in the first place.

The contest ended, and I went about my life and work. However, in the world of social media, I decided to reach out to all the contestants that gave me their cards. I friended many on Facebook, and also sent him a note telling him it was a pleasure helping him during the contest. I forgot all about him, and never gave it a second thought, until out of the blue he sent me a message back, and we started chatting, and flirting online. It was the same old online flirting that most gay, and particularly leather men do. But with him, the conversation took a turn, and we started discussing our lives and relationships. We would chat for hours, and eventually progressed to talking on the phone. Where was this going? What was this all about? It was the beginning of a friendship I thought. He was a nice guy, and he needed someone to talk to, confide in, to be his friend, and to listen to him. We decided that I would go visit him, and we would play and just have fun. I would meet his husband, and just enjoy a weekend with them.

The moment I laid eyes on him I felt an instant connection, and a desire to hold him, and tell him that everything is going to be okay. There was sadness in his beautiful eyes that was very poignant, and captivating. The invisible fortress was there, but I could reach right through it, and I could feel his soul struggling, and his heart heavy with anger and fear.

I also met his husband! A short, stocky man, with beady eyes and not an ounce of sincerity or authenticity about him. We went out to dinner, and then to the local bar where both men proceeded to argue and threaten each other with violence. There was so much anger and hatred surrounding them that all I wanted was to walk away and go back home. Yet, I looked at him and I could not move; my legs were frozen, and all I wanted to do was to shelter him, and give him as much strength as I could muster so he can fight back, speak up, and be the person that I know he hungered and starved to be for so many years. The night ended soon after, and we went to their home to bed.

I call it the Day the Earth Stood Still. Yes, I know it is not a very creative name, and it evokes images of aliens taking over the world. But, it is also the day that he emancipated himself, and took the reins of his own life. I remember the afternoon as vividly as if it just happened a few hours ago. We were standing in the bathroom, and I could sense his energy shift. I could sense that something was wrong, but I could not decipher what it was. Later that night he told me that at that moment he was looking around and had an epiphany. At that point in time he realized that his marriage was over and that he did not want to be in the place he called home. It was no longer his home, and he had to move on.

He made this revelation a few hours after he decided to leave his husband, and I helped him. We were laying on a hard bed, in a dated and crummy hotel room, with blinking florescent lighting, and kitsch art on the walls. We were laying there contemplating the events that happened that day, and holding each other. Thinking about that night brings tears to my eyes, and makes my heart beat faster. I remember telling him “you are beautiful, you are beautiful, you are beautiful” and making him repeat it over, and over, and over again. We slept holding each other, exhausted, and wondering what the next day will bring.

I left the next day after I made sure he had a place to stay, and friends to support him. I left, but I could not stay away. I drove back the following day…460 miles roundtrip to have dinner with him and see him again. I knew then that I loved him, and that my life would never be the same again!

This happened exactly four months ago, today. Both his world, and mine has changed. He is divorced now, and I have recently broken up with my boyfriend of almost 9 years. We do not know what the future will bring; but despite all the struggles, and all the turmoil, all I know is that I love him more than I have ever loved anyone…and that he loves me with the same intensity.


"My life was supposed to get better, and it has just gotten worse. When is it supposed to get better?!"


It has gotten better...my life is so much richer since I have met him. I used to think that love alone was not enough, but I have been proven wrong. It is not a perfect love story, but it is my love story. He is the man I love, and the only one I see. He is my perfect love story!!