Last weekend my boyfriend and I had a wonderful dinner with a dear friend. This was the second time I met her, and she has quickly made her way into my heart, and I think I made my way into hers. She was already a dear friend to my boyfriend, and knew him when he was married. It was a great dinner, and we talked about everything under the sun, including religion (which we remarked shouldn’t be discussed in polite conversation). At the end of the dinner, our dear friend remarked that seeing my boyfriend and I together, and how in love we are, brings her great joy. She has seen such a difference in my boyfriend, and she knows he is happy. She was happy for him…happy for us, and wanted to have dinner again soon. It was a wonderful validation (not that we needed one) to what had been an otherwise arduous public introduction of our relationship.
The next day I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time. Even though we had been dating for almost five months, he only mentioned me to them the weekend before. They were receptive and eager to meet me. Like any good Egyptian, I insisted that I could not go to dinner empty handed, and proceeded to search for a gift that would best represent me to his parents, and make a good first impression. After searching high and low, and cursing Barnes & Noble for not having the book I wanted (Egypt: A View From Above), I settled on putting together a basket of Middle Eastern desserts for them. I even baked a dessert (and almost burned the thing). The dinner went well, and we had a great time discussing everything from fishing, their house, shooting a raccoon five times and it still didn’t die, the Republican primaries, and my boyfriend when he had hair. A great time was had by all, and we went home relaxed and feeling the love and support of our friends and family.
Dinner with our friend, and my boyfriend’s family led me to reflect on our relationship, and both the positive and negative receptions we have experienced since we publicly announced our love to one another. It seems that everyone we knew, and did not know had an opinion on the subject. Our close friends, and those who knew each of us, either individually, or as a couple mostly expressed their support and love. Some were curious and wanted to know the circumstances behind our breakups from our previous relationships, but also made sure they expressed their support. Some others were not as supportive, and through Facebook chose to de-friend either one of us without so much as an explanation or a goodbye. What was also more baffling to both of us was that those we knew casually, or barely knew at all, seemed to have very strong opinions about us, our relationship, and proceeded to judge us publicly, and privately, but not to our face. There was plenty of mudslinging, slander, and rumors, and hearsay floating around, all very toxic, and quite disheartening.
A close friend and confidant of mine once told me that other people’s opinions about me are none of my business. In other words, I should not dwell too much on what others think of me as long as I am comfortable and happy with myself. That is good advice, but also very hard to follow. In a world of Facebook, and in a community where your boyfriend is a public figure, it is very difficult to ignore people’s opinions. What is important, however, is not to let people’s opinions, either negative or positive, influence your actions and being true to yourself. I try to remind myself of this as much as possible. In going through my breakup, and in watching my boyfriend go through his, I often questioned if I was a good person, and if all the negative things people were saying about me were true. If so many people are repeating it, then it must be true, right?! I don’t think they are true, and ultimately, I can look at myself in the mirror and be proud of who I am, and confident in my actions and motivations. I do not know what motivates people who don’t know me that well to formulate and disseminate opinions about whom I love, and choose to be in a relationship with, especially when these same individuals are not so puritanical themselves.
My boyfriend and I are very active in the leather and kink community in the Midwest, and around the country. It is not a conventional community, and it celebrates all forms of love, and preaches acceptance, tolerance, and inclusion. It is a wonderful community of brotherhood, fellowship, and support. Being part of this community has given me confidence, strength of character, and also helped shape who I am today. So, when we experience vicious personal attacks, backroom gossip, and alienation from people in this community, it is both sad and disheartening. The people that know us and love us have been nothing but supportive, and continue encourage our love to blossom. Those who do not know us, and for some reason thrive on backstabbing and slandering us, will eventually fade into oblivion and become irrelevant. This community is big enough for all of us to exist in, thrive, and spread love and joy to those deserving individuals around us. There is plenty of room for the lovers, and the haters, and we are both volunteering in our community for the greater good, and to spread love.
I am who I am as an individual! As a couple, we are who we are as well. I am a good person, and so is my boyfriend. We are a strong, loving couple, who love and support one another. I am not less compassionate and humane as I have been described by some. I continue to live with my ex boyfriend who is my best friend, and one of my staunchest supporters and allies. I consider myself lucky to be surrounded by so many amazing people who love and support me. My chosen family, my leather family, and my true friends who bless me every day with their love and presence in my life continue to remind me of how incredibly fortunate I am. The Egyptian kid who came here with nothing is a good man, and will continue to be a good man. I am truly blessed to have found true love, and will continue to honor and celebrate it. Love deeply, laugh loudly, and continue to be proud of who you are…I know I definitely am!!
