We are obsessed with STUFF!
I've been wrestling with
how to write this post without coming across all preachy, but there is
no other way to do it. As a society, we place so much emphasis and importance
on the accumulation of material things, and surrounding ourselves with stuff.
Some of us want to make sure the people around us know we have stuff, and lots
of it. Some others place so much importance on the stuff they accumulate, so
much so that their self-worth is dependent on it.
When I was in 2nd or 3rd grade, my
parents gave me a meager allowance every week to cover any snack purchases I
wanted to buy at school. I remember
being disheartened that my allowance was so much less than my friends’, who had
double, triple, or even quadruple the amount I got. My parents thought the
amount was perfectly reasonable. After all, what would a 2nd or 3rd
grader need with more money? I had a packed lunch, and I was going to school,
not shopping at the mall.
Growing up, I went to private schools. In Egypt if you want
any semblance of a decent education, and your parents could afford it, you had
to go to a private school. Public schools were for people that lived several
stories below the poverty line, and had no other alternatives. My family did
not come from money. My mother and father both worked hard for a living, and
were the product of fathers (their mothers did not work) who also worked hard
for a living. My father eventually started his own business, and financed it
all from his hard earned income. We lived in a two bedroom apartment, and I
shared a bedroom with my sister until I was 13 years old. They worked hard, and
invested in my, and my sister’s education. My parents never bought a lot of stuff.
We had good furniture, working cars, and nice clothes. We lived within our
means.
After I graduated high school, I was privileged enough to
attend a private American university. I lived with my parents (the majority of
Egyptians do that until they get married…and some even afterwards), and I drove
my mother’s old car (1985 model Peugeot). The school I attended was full of
rich kids, and we often referred to it as Cairo 90210. It was easy to feel
inferior, or like I did not belong because I did not have designer jeans, or
the latest fashions from Europe or the States, and I did not drive a BMW. I
remember catching a ride with a friend one day, and he was babbling on about “not
being proud of his car”. It was a latest model something or other, with leather
seats, and a working A/C. His mother was on staff at the university, so he did
not pay any tuition, and for the most part he was a mediocre student. I wanted
to punch him in the face!!
My father did not (and probably still does not) believe in
credit. He never owned a credit card, and always paid everything in cash. If he
did not have the cash, that means he could not afford something, and therefore
did not buy it. He paid for our house in cash, bought his car in cash, and paid
for my education in cash. I still remember him sending me to school every
semester with a bag full of cash to pay my tuition.
When I moved to the United States, I had the fortune of
having a loving adopted/surrogate family that took me in, and help me in
establishing my life here. They are/were good people, and firmly believe, as do
I, in pulling one’s self up by one’s bootstraps, and working hard to get ahead
in life. My first job in the States (a year out of college with a B.A. in
political science from the top American university in Egypt) was as the night
shift clerk at a White Hen Pantry (now 7-11). I made $7 an hour, and spent my
nights mopping the floors, and stocking the fridge. I eventually learned to slice
deli meat, and progressed to $7.50 an hour. I financed my first car (a 1995
Mercury Sable), and eventually found jobs further away than walking distance.
I've lived here now for 12 years, and my biggest debt is my
mortgage and my student loans from graduate school. I acquiesced to getting a
credit card in 2006 so I can establish revolving credit in order to qualify for
a mortgage, and have never charged anything that I could not pay off in a
couple of months at most. I make a conscious
choice on a daily basis to live within my means, and set goals for myself to
save in order to afford the things that I currently cannot.
I know I sound like a goodie-two-shoes, and I know I have
been very lucky in my life. But, It is
because of my history that I fail to understand people that live beyond their
means, and borrow, beg, and yes even steal (or defraud and embezzle) in order
to accumulate mountains of stuff for the soul purpose of impressing the people
around them. There is a culture of consumerism in this country that makes
people go crazy over accumulating material things for no other reason but to gain
some kind of fictitious status in their community, or a misguided belief that
more stuff equals higher self-worth.
My partner is currently going through a Chapter 13
bankruptcy following the dissolution of his previous marriage. As with any
divorce, both parties must agree to the division of their property.
Unfortunately for my partner, the “property” from this divorce ended up being
nothing but debt. His share was a mortgage
that was under water due to the declining value of the house, and numerous other
debts that were solely in his ex-husband’s name as a result of borrowing from a
retirement plan, or paying for their lavish over the top wedding. In going
through the divorce, and a couple of years later through the bankruptcy, I got
a first had glimpse at the extent of the funny money that was going around to
finance a lavish lifestyle that was nothing but smoke and mirrors. Borrow from
A, to buy B; then sell B to buy C; rent out A, to pay for living in D; and then
sell C, to buy E; and while we’re at it, let’s borrow from any family member
that would give us money so we can go on trips, buy boats, or cars, or clothes
or what-have-you.
Did any of this stuff make them happier? Obviously not! Did
any of this stuff matter to their life together? I would say it was probably
one of the reasons their relationship collapsed. In the end, there were days
when my partner literally did not have two pennies to rub together, and there were days when he could not even
afford to buy himself lunch. A decade of accumulating stuff, and just buying
things resulted in enormous debt that could likely force him to pay half of his
income for the next 5 years to pay off. Debt that was accumulated by his ex-husband,
but is now his cross to bear.
My partner is so much happier without all this stuff that he
did not need. Ask him what he enjoys, and he will tell you a good book,
listening to vinyl records, opera, watching movies, and eating popcorn. He is
at his happiest and most joyful when he is frolicking in the ocean, chasing
waves, and bathing in the sun. And I am at my happiest when I’m watching him
laughing joyously while swimming in the ocean, and cuddling him in our bed
before we both fall asleep in each other’s arms.
We don’t need stuff! All this clutter and endless desire for
things and money has made people forget what is important in life. When you are
on your deathbed and taking your last breath of air, you won’t have your stuff
or money with you. No!! You will have nothing but your memories flashing in the
final seconds before you cross over. Do
you want these to be memories of time spent buying things, or pretending to be
wealthy, or showing off your material wealth (real or fake) to the people
around you? Or do you want these last fleeting memories to be of love, joy, and
happiness surrounded by people who truly love you?
I know what I would choose!
