The annual Hajj to the Leather
Mecca has concluded, and everyone is in their post weekend afterglow, or
hangover, depending on how the weekend went. I spent the International Mr.
Leather XXXIV with my partner-boy michael working as part of an amazing team of
Contestant Handlers. We spent it in the company of amazing, talented,
motivated, funny, and exceptional group of people; not just title holders, but
other Handlers, IML staff, and volunteers.
IML XXXVI held great meaning for me,
and I am not immune to the after party nostalgia and reflection that plagues
everybody after such a momentous weekend. Contestants, Handlers, and people
that experience this weekend always say that IML changes lives. The assumption
is that the change generally impacts those select few that competed, and are
part of a fellowship/brotherhood of titleholders. For me, however, I can say
that IML changed my life in
a way that I never saw coming, and helped cement the notion I have that the
people you meet, and the events one goes through in life have a reason, and a
purpose; even if that reason or purpose is revealed years down the road.
Nine years ago I met my now
ex-partner. We met online when he lived in another town, and several months
later, after he moved to Chicago, we moved in together, and had what I thought
was the relationship to last the rest of my life. As our lives progressed, and
we learned more about our past, and people we know, I discovered that he knew,
this hunky black man who works for this scary leather event called
International Mr. Leather. That hunky black man called himself Den Daddy, and
the black and white picture I saw showed him wearing black leather pants, a
harness, six pack abs, and a mean look on his face that was both menacing and
titillating.
A couple of year after first
hearing about this Den Daddy, I met, and had a fling with a local title holder
who was getting ready to compete at IML. Through him, I met by pure chance this
menacing Den Daddy. He was not what I expected at all. He was friendly,
inviting, and exuded an aura of familiarity and comfort. We chatted, and
laughed at the connection we had. We remained casual acquaintances, and went
about our daily lives, only crossing paths here and there. It wasn’t until three
years later that our paths crossed again when a friend of mine who works with
him said he had tickets to IML, and I got a chance to go with her.
IML XXXI was the first time I set
foot in a leather event of that scale, visited the leather market, and socialized
with leathermen from all walks of life and all corners of the world. To say
that I was hooked would be a gross understatement. I was mesmerized, and I
wanted to learn more about this world that felt both alien, and deliciously
familiar. It was during that weekend that I also had the honor and privilege to
witness Den Daddy receive a Pantheon of Leather award, and feel the tremendous
pull of this leather world and community.
A year later I found myself
competing for the Mr. Chicago Leather title. While I lost, I think the person
that won was much more eloquent than I was during his speech, and had many more
years than I did in the local leather scene. It was a great experience
competing for that title, but the universe had other ideas for me. Through Den
Daddy I found out about volunteering at IML, and getting involved in the
community through other channels. So, IML XXXII saw me volunteering at the
vendor market, and contest security. It was then that I met Mama (Sandy
Reinhardt), and other amazing people that form the cornerstones of this
vibrant, diverse, and interesting community. I wanted more, and I dug in
deeper. I wasn’t a fly by night volunteer, who was in it to get laid. I was on
a journey to find my place in the world, and this was my Yellow Brick Road
(yes, I made a Wizard of Oz reference, although “yellow” here does not signify
a fetish-HAHA!).
My friendship with Den Daddy
continued, and I grew to think of him as a mentor, and a confidant. Through a
twist of fate, I was invited to be a Contestant Handler at IML XXXIII. To say
the experience was exhilarating would be an understatement. I was both honored,
and terrified of the responsibility. I was part of a group of amazing men who’s
sole responsibility is to prep and assist a group of 53 contestants in their
bid for the International Mr. Leather 2011 title. Being on that team brought
out of me my nurturing, caring, and commanding nature. I learned more about
myself in those three days than I thought possible. It would not be a complete
stretch to say that I grew in those three days as a person, and I left that
hotel much more confident than I have ever felt.
Then another unexpected thing
happened. There was one contestant, number 17, who came up to me asking for
help in fixing a miniscule scratch on his leather jockstrap right before the
Pecs & Personality portion of the competition. After trying to reassure him
in every way I can that no one will even see it on stage, I directed him to the
bootblack who touched it up with a sharpie. He was so focused on the contest,
and performing well on stage. He needed to let loose, and relax. So, while he
was standing there with nothing but a jockstrap, I came up behind him, and bit
him gently on the back, over his tattoo on the lower right side. “Don’t bite
me, I have to go on stage” were his famous words before filing out with the
other contestants.
That guy went on to place 6th,
and we all went our separate ways after the contest ended. A couple of weeks
later, we connected again on Facebook, and I went to visit him a month and a
half later. That man today is my partner/boy, and the true love of my life. I
feel a connection with him that I have never felt with anyone before. It is
safe to say that he is my lover, soul mate, and friend. To say that the last
year for both of us was life changing would only slightly begin to describe it.
After nine years, I ended my relationship with my then partner. And even though
we are best friends, and still live together, my life has forever changed. The
same goes for my boy, and the changes, trials, and tribulations that he went
through over the past year.
Between IML XXXIII and IML XXXIV,
we both traveled to different states, and he judged several contests, helping
choose the titleholders that would compete in Chicago in May 2012. As fate
would have it, he passed his sash on to his roommate to compete this year as
well. So, we both used our experience, and our perspective to help choose, mentor,
and nurture a new class of contestants to represent our larger community at
IML.
The story does not end there of
course. In another act of awesomeness, Den Daddy invited both of us to join the
IML XXXIV Contestant Handler team. It was an incredible experience for both of
us, and brought our journey together full circle. In that handling room, as we
rushed around helping our brothers, I took the time to give him a commemorative
bite, in the same spot on his back, in the same spot in the room where he was
standing a year ago.
IML changes lives. I know it
changed my life in ways that I never expected. One does not have to be a
contestant to experience the change that this contest, and the sense of love,
and community it bestows on those in attendance. Yes, there are people in that
mammoth hotel that go there just for the partying and the sex, and have no idea
about the rich history and ritual that takes place a few floors away. The sex,
the dancing, the market, that is not IML for me. To me, that weekend is exactly
how I described it in my opening sentence: a Hajj, a pilgrimage, a sacred
ritual and a calling. IML changed my life; and while I still struggle with my
sense of belonging in the world, I know I am a part of this community.
